I quit facebook today.
“If you see anybody I know tell ‘em I hate ‘em all.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald, 1926 (via cheyennecult)
June 2012
23 posts
“I don’t give a good goddamn what them raggedy ass Lindy Hoppers say or do. They can all go to hell. And their mammies too!”
—Chick Webb
The Greatest Cliché: The Unexamined Propaganda of "Political Correctness" →
zuky.tumblr.com
zuky:
As it’s commonly used, “PC” is a deliberately imprecise expression (just try finding or writing a terse, precise definition) because its objective isn’t to communicate a substantive idea, but simply to sneer and snivel about the linguistic and cultural burdens of treating all people with the respect and sensitivity with which they wish to be treated.
Simply put, the great “PC” cliché, as commonly deployed in mainstream discourse, is cultural propaganda designed to befuddle and misdirect while defending the current power structure.
Manatee Love Channel: Ugly Follows →
sarahsellaphix.tumblr.com
Some people sometimes use social dancing as a vehicle for le romance and mate-picking. And a good chunk of us do not.
Agreed. But we need to be okay with the fact that others make their decisions based on different criteria. Even if they’re a little shallower than we are. They have a right to feel the way they do, and they have a right to having different motivations than ours. We need to coexist without animosity (he says, to the purveyor of a blog entitled “Together We Thrive” :-).
I am not saying we must dance with everyone - I keep saying that. Just don’t make those choices based on hotness.
And I’m saying “Or do. Either way, it’s no skin off my nose.” If I get rejected for a dance, I generally have no idea why. Sometimes people give an excuse, and sometimes it’s believable, but often it’s not. But I can assure you, no one has ever said to someone on the dance floor, “I’m sorry, you’re just not cute enough for me to dance with.” If I’m wrong about that, I can only assume they were immediately smote by a vengeful god. But my point is, who really cares why you (or I, or “they”) get turned down for a dance? Don’t let it bother you, and certainly don’t let yourself ever think “Is it because he doesn’t think I’m cute?” Or, more specifically, don’t assume the worst: “THAT DICK JUST WENT AROUND ME TO GET THE CUTER GIRL” …she might be an old friend or a favored dance partner. Perhaps best to assume that “dance selection by cuteness” isn’t an epidemic that needs to be quashed…but by the same token, please do get used to the fact that there are people out there who operate that way.
Here’s a thought experiment: So, if I had some way of knowing, without doubt, that a woman had turned me down for a dance because I wasn’t cute enough…well, I’d be disappointed, right? But if I were told that she chose me because I’m cute? Would I smile? Pretty sure I would. Don’t know about you, but I would.
What this tells me is two things: a) I need to not hold people to double-standards, and b) I just need to handle rejection with grace and calm when it happens.
So if we’re just talking about dancing, then I shall point my gnarled finger. :P I want to live in a world where people are not judged by their covers, but rather are given an equal chance to succeed, be accepted, and have a badass time out dancing no matter what they look like.
You do live in a world where people are judged by their covers. Sure it’s sad, but it’s true. The point at which I accepted that and allowed myself to not be bothered by it (or influenced by it), it became not sad anymore. It just is. And I can be happy in that world.
PS — Want me to really blow your mind with an anecdote that’s 100% true? I have, on at least one occasion, walked around ”Person A” — whom I kinda have a crush on, and am very shy around — to get to “Person B” — who’s legitimately quite a bit more attractive, but for whom I have no spark, nor shyness, and can much more easily ask to dance.
The human brain goes a little haywire in social situations sometimes.
I’m not sad! I hope and advocate for positive change. ’That’s just the way things are’ is an old and tired way of defending a messed up status quo.
It’s not about being ‘used to’ or accepting that shallow people exist who value attractiveness over other traits that make a good social dance partner - I am used to it, I live in that world, I navigate it.
I certainly do object to others’ internal, personal motiviations of only dancing with cute people because of the harm and indignity that actions based on those motivations cause others, and what that says about who we are. I object by discussing it and calling it out when I don’t like it.
The shape of one’s face, the color of one’s skin, the hairstyle, body size, clothing, or other physical traits are not a factor in how friendly, creative, or passionate someone is, how well they move their feet, interpret the music, lead/follow moves, their potential for artistic chemistry, how much experience they have dancing, or what music they like.
Now I’m going to change my blog name to Manatee Love Channel.
vernacular jazz dance: Ugly Follows
According to my expert witness, gorgeous leads with mad skills prefer to dance with accomplished follows, no matter what they look like, rather than cute beginners, but only as long as the accomplished follow is creative and surprising with her dancing.
A quotation from an impromptu interview at The Dancing Bug. I love this blog, and this article was a good one, but to answer the question posed:
It is completely assholey to factor in attractiveness when choosing your dance partner. And I’m kind of surprised people think its acceptable to choose to favor beautiful people (or by any other physical trait). That is straight up discrimination.
The interviewed mystery lead indicated that all things equal, he’ll pick a prettier follow. That he even prefers a beginner follow who is pretty over and advanced follow who is less pretty. The only time he’d choose the ugly follow is if she was a rock-star quality follow.
We are all attracted to different kinds of people, and some people use Lindy Hop to flirt and whatever. But this isn’t about choosing mates, so to muddy this issue with that is derailing, so don’t do it. This about accepting/asking for dances at a social dance. This is about it somehow being okay to only dancing with people you think are beautiful (and implicitly not dancing with people you think are ugly).
Let’s treat each other with dignity.
For the record, I only turn down dances when I don’t like the song, I don’t feel like dancing, or the person asking me is an asshole. I don’t give a crap about how someone looks, how they’re dressed or if they are good at dancing. My favorite dances are with my friends who are good dancers.
It is not cool for people to be saying it’s okay to only dance with beautiful people.
While my criteria for accepting/turning down a dance are pretty similar to yours…
…I would never deign to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t use as criteria for the social things they do with members of the opposite sex. I mean, kudos to you (and a pat on the back for me) for being all equal-opportunity, but really, I’m not entirely sure we’re in the majority. And further, I’m curious to know if you (presuming you’re straight, which of course I have no right to do) have ever thought anything like “Gosh, he’s cute, I sure hope he asks me to dance (or accepts when I ask).” I’m sure I’ve thought similar things about followers, and I KNOW I hear follower friends say such things from time to time around here.
“Discrimination” just doesn’t seem like the right word. Like, would you tell someone they’re discriminating against you if they chose not to take you out on a date? It’s not like you’re applying for a government job, here, we’re talking about social dancing. I often choose to NOT ask a woman to dance if I’ve had consistently unenjoyable dances with her in the past. Isn’t that a form of discrimination? Well, I don’t consider it a terrible thing to have discriminating tastes. I don’t limit my dancing partners to people I’m attracted to, but I’m not gonna point a gnarled finger at those who do, and say “bad doggie”. I try not to micromanage others’ experiences like that.
And really, I’m not sure I get the anger. Swing dancing is not an entirely academic or sporting event. It’s social. It’s sensual. It’s a landscape that’s peppered with potential, current, and past romances. Hell, you could build a cottage industry around the task of cleaning up old websites of previous relationships/partnerships in the pro lindy hop scene. Flirtation is a pretty massive part of the dance itself, if you let it be. And clearly some people let it be.
Also: titling this post “Ugly Follows” is a form of straw man argument.
<puts helmet on>
[EDIT]
Actually, one detail to call out:The interviewed mystery lead indicated that all things equal, he’ll pick a prettier follow. That he even prefers a beginner follow who is pretty over and advanced follow who is less pretty.
This is an inaccurate reading of what he said. He said that, actually, it’s often more fun to dance with a beginning follower than with a more advanced follower, because the more advanced follower is often stuck in a rut of familiar moves, whereas the beginner will often be super-excited by the new things you’re leading her into. So he was basically digressing from the question for a moment. And then he went on to say that he’d prefer to dance with a more improvisational advanced dancer, regardless of looks. He did not, at any point, say that he’d choose an “ugly follow” only if she were of “rock star quality”. You’ve filled in some details with your own interpretation there.
[/EDIT]
Super good points. Not going to rage at you or anything. I used words like asshole and bullshit, but I didn’t write the post angry. Just peeved.
There is a connection between flirting and dancing, but they are not the same thing. We flirt with people we ‘like’ and we ‘like’ people for different reasons. You can flirt while you dance, you can use dancing to flirt - I get it. Some people sometimes use social dancing as a vehicle for le romance and mate-picking. And a good chunk of us do not.
But I still think that’s not the point. We’re talking about dancing… and thearticle was about dancing not flirting (he even went so far to digress, as you say, into the nuances of what good following is, and made no mention of flirting or crushes or anything like that).
I am not saying we must dance with everyone - I keep saying that. Just don’t make those choices based on hotness.
So if we’re just talking about dancing, then I shall point my gnarled finger. :P I want to live in a world where people are not judged by their covers, but rather are given an equal chance to succeed, be accepted, and have a badass time out dancing no matter what they look like.
Ugly Follows
According to my expert witness, gorgeous leads with mad skills prefer to dance with accomplished follows, no matter what they look like, rather than cute beginners, but only as long as the accomplished follow is creative and surprising with her dancing.
A quotation from an impromptu interview at The Dancing Bug. I love this blog, and this article was a good one, but to answer the question posed:
It is completely assholey to factor in attractiveness when choosing your dance partner. And I’m kind of surprised people think its acceptable to choose to favor beautiful people (or by any other physical trait). That is straight up discrimination.
The interviewed mystery lead indicated that all things equal, he’ll pick a prettier follow. That he even prefers a beginner follow who is pretty over and advanced follow who is less pretty. The only time he’d choose the ugly follow is if she was a rock-star quality follow.
We are all attracted to different kinds of people, and some people use Lindy Hop to flirt and whatever. But this isn’t about choosing mates, so to muddy this issue with that is derailing, so don’t do it. This about accepting/asking for dances at a social dance. This is about it somehow being okay to only dancing with people you think are beautiful (and implicitly not dancing with people you think are ugly).Let’s treat each other with dignity.
For the record, I only turn down dances when I don’t like the song, I don’t feel like dancing, or the person asking me is an asshole. I don’t give a crap about how someone looks, how they’re dressed or if they are good at dancing. My favorite dances are with my friends who are good dancers.
It is not cool for people to be saying it’s okay to only dance with beautiful people.
a) How do you define beautiful? Is it, like, model good looks? Is it just “average” good looks? (whatevs that’s supposed to be?) How do you know that what I find gorgeous isn’t just plain weird to you?
b) What if a person’s looks make me feel uncomfortable? This doesn’t happen often, and mostly it’s not their faces or bodies, but the way they talk or move that make me anxious. But I learned the hard way not to push myself, but to listen to my guts.
c) Dancing is a form of social interaction. In social dancing, I’m allowed to choose my partner, and while I usually won’t turn people away if they ask me, I can understand when others do? If a lead refused to dance with a follow in a class setting for no reason other than that they’re “ugly”, I’d be enraged…but on the social floor, I get it?
I mean, that’s like saying you have to talk for three minutes to everyone you ever meet, no matter if you think they’re nice or not or if they bore you after 2 seconds :DI have to add to this that I don’t look at leads as “dating material” or anything like that, but I do prefer to dance with people who don’t want to make me run away in fear (or disgust, because they’re stinky/not dressed appropriately..)
This is way harder to phrase… and I think I sound a bit mean, so I’m already apologizing for that, omg
a) It doesn’t matter how it’s defined.
b) This isn’t about that. This is clearly about attractive vs not attractive, not about dancing with people you are uncomfortable around.
c) You can dance with whoever you want, it’s just shitty if what you want is to only dance with good-looking people. That’s degrading and shallow.
People should try not to make this about anything other than what it is - being nicer to pretty people and being less nice to not pretty people. This isn’t about smell, or style, or creepiness. If it’s on your list if you’re going to give someone a chance, your list is mean.
I continue to find it strange that people are trying to justify this stance.
Ugly Follows
According to my expert witness, gorgeous leads with mad skills prefer to dance with accomplished follows, no matter what they look like, rather than cute beginners, but only as long as the accomplished follow is creative and surprising with her dancing.
A quotation from an impromptu interview at The Dancing Bug. I love this blog, and this article was a good one, but to answer the question posed:
It is completely assholey to factor in attractiveness when choosing your dance partner. And I’m kind of surprised people think its acceptable to choose to favor beautiful people (or by any other physical trait). That is straight up discrimination.
The interviewed mystery lead indicated that all things equal, he’ll pick a prettier follow. That he even prefers a beginner follow who is pretty over and advanced follow who is less pretty. The only time he’d choose the ugly follow is if she was a rock-star quality follow.
We are all attracted to different kinds of people, and some people use Lindy Hop to flirt and whatever. But this isn’t about choosing mates, so to muddy this issue with that is derailing, so don’t do it. This about accepting/asking for dances at a social dance. This is about it somehow being okay to only dancing with people you think are beautiful (and implicitly not dancing with people you think are ugly).
Let’s treat each other with dignity.
For the record, I only turn down dances when I don’t like the song, I don’t feel like dancing, or the person asking me is an asshole. I don’t give a crap about how someone looks, how they’re dressed or if they are good at dancing. My favorite dances are with my friends who are good dancers.
It is not cool for people to be saying it’s okay to only dance with beautiful people.
“What as very interesting about the experience of press with this movie is that people are constantly telling me how dark it is. How […] men will sit down to do an interview with me and be like, “Oh, I feel afraid of you! Make sure there’s no scissors in here,” and making all these jokes and I was like, you know that basically every time I turn on primetime television I see a woman who has been stabbed and in a dumpster and the amount of violence towards women that we watch in cinema and just television every evening is quite frankly traumatizing, and I guess sort of accepted in this way. And then here we do a film where this girl is taken home by this man and she proceeds to psychologically torture him. And it turned into this huge huge fiery debate, and I was quite frankly shocked. It’s not even, I don’t think it’s even a penny on the scale.”
—Ellen Page, interview On Point with Tom Ashbrook, June 19 2012, discussing her role in Hard Candy where she plays a teenager who psychologically tortures a pedophile
I’ve been giffing again, and I noticed something that had never become quite so obvious to me. Maybe it’s just so normal for everyone that nobody thinks to mention it.
The follows in the videos are always standing up quite straight. No leaning forwards, no leaning backwards. The knees are bent, yes, but the upper body is upright.
I think I lean forward when my knees bend, because it helps me hold my balance better. But what if that’s wrong?I don’t know if it’s wrong, but when I watch videos of myself, in my personal styling, I think it creates better lines to stand straight.
I enjoy varying my posture as I dance. Maybe to mirror my lead, or to give a new feel to a particular move. Changing your posture changes how your weight feels - that’s reason enough to play! Feels different, looks different. Not right or wrong.
Whatever you do, keep your core strong and keep your balance.
My life is like editing an html code because I have no idea what I’m doing and I feel like the rest of the world does and once in a while I do something right and I have no idea how I did it but I just go with it
but not really because for every problem with html, google comes up with one answer that will most likely work. Not so with life.
You forgot to close your tag. Here. </rant>
Just Wondering...
Anyone in #llindyhop #swingdance been swing dancing for 3+ years?
Not that it’s a bad thing, but I feel like everyone on tumblr who posts about swing dance are mostly newer dancers.
Edit: Since someone asked, I have been dancing for about 3 and a half years.
I’ve been Lindy Hopping since 2001 - 11 years then. But I don’t post on Tumblr about Lindy Hop much.
As far as Lindy Hop goes Tumblr feels like:
Not much depth, and 75% about swivels.
I prefer more well-thought out articles/blogs about Lindy Hop and that’s infrequent here. And Tumblr is horrible for discussion and comments! It’s freaking aweful for that.
I am a feminist
So this one time my husband and I were gearing up for a road trip at a gas station. He was fueling up but we needed antifreeze for le radiator. I offered to go inside and get it.
Inside, I get the antifreeze, and go to check out. The man behind the counter was my age - twenties - and asked me what the F on my button was. I have a button on my winter coat with just a color letter F on it.
“Oh. It stands for feminist.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“So you know, just a feminist fixin’ up my car,” I joked gesturing at the antifreeze. You know. Fixing cars. A stereotypical male activity. Then I went outside, back to the car.
Husband: “This is windshield wiper fluid.”
…
I stared at it. Then told him about my short discussion with the clerk. He offered to go back inside and exchange it for me.
“No. This is something I must do.”
Moral of the story: I just don’t know anything about cars. Or reading labels.
