tw: sexual assault. I straight up describe a sexual crime I experienced. Please take care of yourself when reading.
To follow up my other post. Sometimes you don’t know what to do. Sometimes you can’t do anything because it happens so fast. Sometimes your body moves before your mind can and all you can do is sob and scream.
My mom and I were walking back to our minivan from Target. Middle of the day. There was a pickup parked on the passenger side and I walked between the cars to wait for my mom to unlock my side. So right at my side was the open window of the pick-ups driver’s seat. Inside was a middle-aged man with his pants down, penis and hairy thighs in full view. He was furiously masturbating.
I screamed the most incredible frightened obscenities as I struggled to get into our car as fast as I could. I was so upset. I didn’t know at the time that what had happened constitutes a crime. My mom was so confused because she hadn’t seen and I wasn’t able to speak coherently. Just scream and hold my head between my knees. The pick up had peeled out across the parking lot and was gone before I could do anything. I didn’t even see his face and I couldn’t describe his truck in any useful detail.
I think back to what I would have wanted to do. Reach in and hit him. Scream and spit in his face. Open his door, take his plate number. Report him to my husband’s dad who is a cop. Who I know would take me seriously.
I know what he was doing. He parked on the kids’ side of a minivan on a Saturday afternoon at a family store. He chose us. He chose a minivan. He chose a family vehicle. He chose the passenger side. He knew what he was doing. He was hunting. He wanted power. He wanted to get off on fear and control.
But even though I am trained, even though I am strong, even though I am a martial artist, even though I knew it was wrong - I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. And none of what happened was my fault.
— tw over —
I wanted to share that so that anyone reading the previous post about women stopping harassment had been in a place where they couldn’t do anything wouldn’t feel that they were anything less than.
You are more. You are everything. We can’t always fight. You are worth it, you deserve safety and peace even when you can’t fight.